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Today, I had a fascinating personal insight as to "how I work" and "why I do the things I do" - thanks to the Star Matrix practice of the last weeks.
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I like it when it rains.
I really do. It makes me blissfully happy inside, when it depresses all the other people around me.
I dance in the rain. I have no problem walking in the rain, getting wet (I consider being touched by rain as "Angel Kisses"!!!) and I am literally full on enlightened when I see sparkling raindrops after a rain storm, the "Daily Diamonds."
In my youth, my hobby was competitive dog obedience, and when it rained, you could bet anything that I would win. My dogs worked beautifully in the rain, of course they would, with their owner being high energy and enjoying every moment of the dripping-wet-all-day-mud-bath situation!
Now, it's been raining for about a month here, which is highly unusual and my partner, whose hobby is riding motorbikes and who hates getting wet, is getting ever more depressed about it.
Today he finally cracked and asked, "Why are you so cheerful about this bloody rain pissing down relentlessly?"
And I felt a strange turning movement in my head, and at the exact same time realised why I love the rain, where that came from, and how I had previously thought that it "must be related to some kind of sun trauma."
Of which there could be hundreds and more as my skin is very sensitive to sun and burns pretty much instantly.
This time, my mind went the other way, and straight into a childhood memory ...
My parents used to send me to a super strict Nazi-type organised tent camp in Germany on an island in the North Sea every summer for six weeks from about age 8 to 14.
There, they would literally run us all ragged, 120 children being force marched for vast distances, made to swim for what seemed to be endless distances, having to fill sandbags for coastal defenses for hours on end, with additional gymnastics and track and field challenges, all day long, dawn to dusk, without reprieve.
BUT NOT WHEN IT RAINED!!!
When it rained, the days would be totally different. We would be allowed to eat our meals inside our tents, and we would do art, reading, singing, playing music in the big communal tent instead.
Absolute BLISS!
And there was the memory, of the young aspect waking up to the sound of big raindrops falling onto the canvas army tent, and feeling such joy, such relief and such even more joy, followed by joyous excitement at the prospect of stories, art and singing, it was near as dammit an out of body experience!!!
The aspect climbed out of the sleeping bag, went outside, danced in the rain with hands held high, thanking God and all the angels for this BLESSING.
And my current aspect, remembering this with perfect clarity, really tuning in to that joy of freedom to be creative and to do something you LOVE, was just smiling and feeling full of love and joy as well.
So now I know!
I know why I love the rain.
I know there's a million suffering aspects on that island back in time, and I send them all my love, compassion and ADMIRATION for what they went through. It was tough! but they made it through. And had their own Star Events regardless.
What this has done is that it has made me understand myself so much better.
It has connected all the aspects across time through that love of the rain, and the effects that has had, from the original aspect who had her star experience dancing in the rain and thanking God for the blessing of rain at age 8, to the many wins at rainswept dog training competitions age 20 to 35, to the 50 year old aspect who went mad over the Daily Diamonds, to me, right here and now, standing in my kitchen and smiling across time and space at all of it.
It's wonderful!
I connected one strand today.
I still feel blessed.
And ... excited at what I will learn about myself next.
Silvia Hartmann
October 24, 2019
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