Excellence In Counselling - Gift or Skill?

Some people seem to have a gift for getting others to open up, but it is actually a learned skill with a specific sequence of actions. Like any skill, it depends on some “native” talent. Just as singing well depends on the talent to hit the right notes combined with training of the voice, so “gifted” counselors start with a warm heart, a genuine interest in other people, and a sincere desire to help.

But that is not enough — in fact, that warm heart and sincere desire to help can lead both lay counselors and professionals into counseling quicksand. Many in the counseling profession have found themselves feeling as if they need to change the client’s behavior, especially when feeling frustrated with a client’s repeating self harm. Some examples of this arise in the field of addictions, but a client does not have to be addicted to bring up these feelings in a counselor. Consider people (usually women) who repeatedly get into romantic relationships with people who physically abuse them. If you have counseled such a client, you may be familiar with the feeling of having done wonderful work, only to have her return to the man who caused her harm.

One of the skills of counseling is knowing how to use these feelings on behalf of the client. Another is knowing how to get the client to make her own decisions in her own favor and at a deep enough level to really stick.

But it all starts with that “gifted” ability to invite the client’s heart into your own, and that also is not really a gift, but a skill. Choosing the right words, the right tone of voice, knowing when and how to use your knowledge and when to hold back — even breathing in certain ways in session — all of these skills can be taught. If you have the warm heart, the sincere interest in people, and a real desire to help, your counseling practice will benefit from learning both the macro and the micro skills of counseling. Macro skills are those that are larger processes of counseling, such as how and when to validate, empathize, confront. Micro skills are the smaller components of the larger skills, such as choosing just the right word, breathing in such a way as to help the client relax, sitting in such a way as to help the client relax, using one’s voice to invite the client’s heart to open.

And as I write this, I realize that it can sound as if counseling is a gimmick, a bunch of manipulations. In someone who doesn’t truly care for the client, counseling can become gimmicky and manipulative, for it is done in the interests of the counselor. But an open-hearted counselor who truly cares for the client and has the client’s best interests at heart uses these skills to express authentic acceptance and to really help the client. For the open-hearted counselor these skills become second nature after a little practice, because they help so much in the counseling process.

For anyone who works in the healing professions these skills are important, whether you are a physician, a massage therapist, a Reiki practitioner, a nurse, or any of the many healing professions involved in Energy Psychology. These are the skills that comprise excellence in counseling, and if you are in the healing professions, you may have already recognized that no matter which healing profession you practice, counseling is part of it. The Counseling for Non-Counselors training program is designed specifically for people who are already practicing a healing profession that does not traditionally include training in counseling. Besides the skills already mentioned, the program also includes psychological assessment, assessment of risk, how to avoid getting in over your head, and what to do if you discover that you are already in over your head. When you finish this program, you will have new skills to use right away, bringing you to a new level of mastery in whichever healing profession you practice.