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Abusive Relationships
Anyone ever been involved in an emotionally abusive relationship? Like when people do the damndest to hurt you, specifically target your weakest spots and then trample all over them, or find your oldest, most painful sores and stick knives into them?
Well you know the sort.
Now I don't know why I haven't done this properly before; it may be that I simply wasn't aware that the relationship *was* intensely abusive and didn't really notice what was going on *at the time*, just "later that same evening", the tears start up, and the stomach cramps, and it feels like "that same old thing, over and over again ..."
We can tap THEN, we can EMO THEN, and we can save ourselves from the continued suffering AGAIN and regain a balance; but these kind of "afterquakes" are one thing, and dealing with problems IN THE FIELD are altogether another.
Where things really get interesting is to APPLY THE ENERGY THERAPIES there and then, IN THE FIELD, when IT IS REALLY HAPPENING - THAT is when you really make shifts and healing interventions that not only preclude the usual tears later on, that same evening, but also really resolves the issue at the correct level, in the correct way.
Abusive relationships, especially if they have been going on for a long time, such as in the case of family, have as a star feature that each person plays a pre-set role in the theater performance.
As the nice gentleman who invented TA observed so correctly, each individual involved in these abusive relationships has their own role to play, and with a few thousand rehersals over a number of years, these roles are so practiced that as soon as you put two or more of the players together, they automatically assume their roles and start spouting the requisite lines, having the requisite states right at hand, you could say all the props in the way of stabbing weapons and receptive oozing wounds all ready for action, and off we go!
Let's play King Lear - AGAIN.
These "roles" of course do not include being an energy magician, a resourceful, powerful person or anything really at all that could help; so people find with dismay that time and time again, no matter who they are or what they can do otherwise, when it comes to the abusive relationship, they just fall straight back into the role YET AGAIN and all their previous good ideas or even PLAIN KNOWLEDGE of how to do it differently, do it other, has just simply disappeared - again.
So, here's how to have fun with abusive relationships.
Before we go any further, just let me make the note that if you wish to continue the abusive relationship as it was and NOT have it become structurally different, then DON'T do this - because it WILL CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT PERSON MATERIALLY.
1. We shall conduct this on the telephone, as to not to have the other involved see or know just what we're doing on the other end.
2. Before we call them up, we do the following:
a) We make a large cardboard sign with the words, "TAP! SOFTEN! FLOW!" and place it in a position opposite the telephone so it MUST be seen, even with glasses off and tears in the eyes and half curled over with stomachache. For this purpose the letters should be three to six foot high, dayglow pink or orange on a black background, and in the font of "Arial" to make reading easy.
* TAP! refers to a technique called EFT Emotional Freedom Techniques. You can learn about it here http://1-EFT.com
* SOFTEN AND FLOW! refers to EMO about which you can learn more here http://emotrance.com
b) We take off all of our clothes so the conversation is conducted in the nude. This is an optional step but advanced users WILL find that it helps to retain a sense of perspective, even if you should have turned your back on the sign, as your own naked body becomes the reminding anchor of the fact that you have one, and therefore an energy system, and YOU CAN DO SOMETHING TO HELP YOURSELF AT ALL TIMES AND REGARDLESS.
c) It also helps to have a glass of water at hand.
3. Now, with all of this in place, we dial the abusive relationship partner. Please note that this should be done standing up directly facing the sign with the dayglow "TAP! SOFTEN! FLOW!" written on it, and any pre-treatments such as a nasty sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach, hot flushes, outbursts of sweat or sudden onset of throbbing head- or earaches should be treated BEFORE DIALLING.
Also, whilst listening to the dial tone, put one hand on your heart and as many ghost hands as you might need to muster to get ready for the first shock of THAT person's voice.
NB: Calling in angelic entities to be by your side is optional, but often helpful, as are other energy drills and preparations such as dousing the room and yourself in innocent energy, Thought Flow and other meditative techniques.
4. If the person answers, simply conduct your conversation and TREAT EVERYTHING YOU NOTICE IMMEDIATELY THERE AND THEN.
You can tap, you can heal, you can soften and flow, but whatever you do, just DO WHAT YOU CAN right there and then.
You will find an immediate re-centering taking place as your previous role in the abusive relationship becomes diffused and confused with the very reality of YOU taking the opportunity to do something for YOUR energy system.
5. As the conversation progresses, lead it deliberately into areas which from past experience would have caused the strongest reactions, such as all your failures if you are talking to an abusive parent, or perhaps how wonderfully well YOUR SISTER and her super-rich stock broker husband are doing, again.
You will find it easier and easier to pinpoint the locations or necessary treatments to DIRECTLY REPAIR the damaged ereas which are causing all your discomfort and pain, AS THEY ARE BEING RAISED IN REAL TIME BY THE OTHER.
Continue until you feel you've had enough for now, then thank them and put the phone down.
6. To complete the session, close your eyes, engage in HEART HEALING for a short period of time, then charge about the room shouting, "Whooooo hooo!!" and waving your arms in triumph, should this be appropriate.
7. It is essential to ring *THE SAME PERSON* again within a week or ten days, in order for you to get the NECESSARY EVIDENCE of how it is different this time around, as well as to dig for other, or deeper abuse that still remains to be treated. You won't really KNOW just how good that treatment has been UNTIL you have tested it.
NB: You might find that your abuse-partner begins to flounder and become uncertain a way into the conversation, or that their usually confident attacks seem to diminish and become less charged, somehow. That is normal and to be expected because abusive relationships, and no matter what the Women's Rescue shelters will have you believe, are ALWAYS a partnership between two or more people.
In a dance, one partner changes from Tango to Salsa, of course this is going to have repercussions on the other, so expect this up front.
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The power of this process lies in the immediacy of the treatments, and the fact that they are happening REAL TIME and as we say, IN THE FIELD.
No therapist office environment or "after the fact" meditation can treat such things as effectively, successfully, profoundly and perfectly as the "THERE AND THEN" approach.
NB2: Emails and letter exchanges can also be used, but be sure to do it ON THE VERY FIRST READING because that is when the impact happens and the abuse is right there and your responses are real, in real time. All the preparations from above apply.
NB3: If appropriate, and no sooner than you are ready (see Step 7), schedule a real life meeting with the abuser to get further feedback and finalised confirmations about your changes. Continue until you are *absolutely done* with your previous pains, injuries and experiences.
NB4: If you are upset upon reading this because your original and/or worst abuser isn't alive or cannot be contacted, take heart.
As we tend to re-create our worst abusive relationships in some form over and over, there is bound to be someone right in your life right now who will bring up a similar if not the exact same resonance - in the here and now.
Use THEM instead and you will find excellent results as well.
And In Summary
With a will, and a desire to make MATERIAL CHANGES to your own experience as a human being in their own right, this is probably one of the most transformational activities you could ever do, and certainly one of the most healing ones.
There is no need to start with your worst nightmare scenario; build it up gradually by starting with a relatively minor abusive relationship before working up to the worst ones in confidence..
Below are some ideas of people who may assist you in transforming yourself from someone who has been decorated for their outstanding performances and suffering in the abusive relationships theater to a person who is empowered as their own self and HAS PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE AND EVIDENCE IN REAL LIFE of how THEY DID THAT TRANSFORMATION - by themselves, FOR themselves.
Siblings
Cousins
Parents
Step-Parents
Foster Parents or Care Workers
Teachers, Gurus
Partners and Spouses
Ex-Partners and Ex-Spouses
Children
Children's Partners & Spouses
Workers & Co-Workers & Bosses
Ex-Workers etc.
Friends, Acquaintances & Their Relations
All others with whom you have formed an abusive relationship.
And a final PS - should YOU be THE ABUSER in abusive relationships, you can of course use this pattern too to set yourself and your victims free and thus, finally attain not only redemption, but true forward movement as a person, as well - and perhaps finally, some REAL love.
Silvia Hartmann
2.1.2004
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